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By Esqoo of Dhalmora, 2E 582
- "Greetings, marsh-brother. I hope you are sunned and warmed, yes? Even in my earliest memories, back when I was an angry slave-boy at the beginning of the Second Era, our people have always had an affinity for and an interesting relationship with guar. The Dark Elves ordered us to herd the creatures, feed them, tend to them, clean them…oh, I remember my guar friend Kaj-Meht! I hated the Old Master so much when he cooked him for dinner. But I think the point I'm trying to make here is that without us Saxhleel, the Dunmer would almost have no idea about taking care of their prized animals. Even in the ancient yet fragmented Chimeri records, which imply our race was forced vassals of their predecessors in the mid First Era, there are mentions of the 'lizards taking care of lizards'. There are even debates between the Imperial Geographical Society and the United Explorers of Scholarly Pursuits over whether guar and Argonians are, and don't laugh egg-brother, related! In their eyes, guar are simply Saxhleel with little to no intelligence and this information has simply been lost to our people for generations, like many other things before the Dunmer came. I personally have my doubts, but since guar are almost as common to Black Marsh as they are in Morrowind I would like to ask you what you think about this yourself? What is our people's special relationship with the guar?" – Eis Vuur Warden, Wayward and Contract Scholar
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Ha ha, the Warden makes a funny joke, is it not so? It is true that I call my guar herd my little family, but it is not because they are of my blood. That is not to say that I do not watch over their eggs as zealously as any Keeper at the Hatching Pools, because I do. And the infant guar are so cute, I simply must tickle their tummies, yes, I must!"
- “I share your love for guar and I'm particularly fascinated by their relatives like the fierce Alit and Kagouti. This interest led me to read up on some sort of like reptiles on two legs but apparently staying away from the pastures of Morrowind or Black Marsh, dwelling in the territories of the Daggerfall Covenant, since they were spotted near Dragonstar. I'm talking about the so-called "Worm Mouth" and the "Clawrunner". Because in my travels I have met no one who has come across them, I wondered if you possessed some information about such a peculiar specie." – Shanke-Naar Righthorn
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Alas, Shanke-Naar, I know nothing of this 'clawrunner' you mention, but it is with gladness that I can confirm that the wormmouth of remote Hammerfell is a distant relative of our friends the guar, alit, and kagouti! I am told that Hammefell is not moist, no, no, not moist at all, so any guar and their cousins that lived there would be sad lizards indeed. Not so the wormmouth, which I understand lives by siphoning the sap of living creatures, whether animal or plant! I myself would like to see that. It would be instructive to watch, no?"
- “I've always found the physical ambiguity of the creatures of Black Marsh and the borderlands. The guar move like fellrunners with avian limbs, yet they have the belly, head, and eyes of a snake.
- And what of the alit and kagouti who are even more monstrous and serpentine to the point of losing their arms altogether?" – Dravar gro-Dragakh
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Indeed! So fascinating! Black Marsh and its surrounding lands are home to a seemingly infinite variety of lizards and lizardly relations, so different and manifold, and yet all so pleasingly moist! Truly, there are no boundaries nor limits to the imagination of the Hist!"
- “I recently purchased a banded guar charger for riding into battle on the frontlines of Cyrodiil. For such a steep price, the beast has a remarkably foul temperament and I have been unable to find a guar-herd willing to help train him. Might this breed be related to the feral tiger guars of the Deshaan Plain, or are those monsters simply an old Legion myth?" – Legoless, Doyen of the United Explorers of Scholarly Pursuits
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Indeed, such is their heritage, Legoless! But if you think a banded guar is a handful, you should try mounting a golden-eye—if it will let you! They have even more wild guar blood in them than the bandeds! Ha ha, how we laughed when Fetches-Glitter tried to get on Pejureel's golden-eye, and it threw him right on his tail! The jocularity shook all Dhalmora!"
- “As guar are both pack animal and mount, how long does it take the average guar to be trained to carry a rider or pack? Are they considered a stronger mount then a horse? More able to scale rough terrain or what? – Sincerely, Alynne Hearthvan"
- “First, I hope you are well. Second, I have noticed that guar can sometimes be difficult to herd and train. How long does it usually take for a guar to become domesticated to its master?" – Razum'dara, Wayward Khajiit Scholar
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Oh, thank you, Alynne and Razum-dara, the answers to your questions are known to me, yes! A well-bred domestic guar, if hand-raised by a loving herder, can be broken to the pack between one Morndas and the next. To saddle-break a guar takes longer, as much as a month, for they must be persuaded not to pursue their inborn instinct, which is to turn and bite great chunks out of any creatures that land on their backs. This snapping is so adorable when they are little ones, but it is wisest to train them out of it when their mouths become large enough to swallow one's arm.
- “As for comparing guar to horses—there is no comparison whatsoever! Guar are stronger, greener, have larger feet, are smarter, more loving, and moister than any horse ever foaled! I believe that is why the Dark Elves ride their guar and eat their horses."
- “To the honorable Esqoo,
- When I was just a one young, my nanny started telling a legend of the Gift-Giving Guar. My parents quickly interrupted her and I forgot about this until I found it mentioned on an old piece of paper alongside the Brave Little Squib. Are you familiar with this legend and can you elaborate? With high regards, Felosa Elthara"
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “I believe you refer, Handsome Felosa, to this well-known hatching-pool rhyme:
- “There once was a gift-giving guar
- “More gen'rous than kwama by far
- “The snorkel it gave me
- “Was later to save me
- “When pursued by slavers from Nar!"
- “To Esqoo of Dhalmora,
- I recently purchased for myself a tessallated guar to ride on and to carry my things. Being an Argonian, I figured I would look less silly riding on a scaly guar than I would riding on a tall white horse. However, after purchasing the beast, I realized how little I knew about guar care. What must I do to keep it healthy and happy (at least enough to do what I want it to do)? What is its diet? Do I need to trim its nails on occasion?
- By the way, the pages of this letter carry a deadly disease of my choosing. Just an incentive for you to respond to my questions in a timely manner, you understand. When I receive your reply, I will send you the antidote. I am an Argonian of my word." – Dodges-Death
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Ha ha, Dodges-Death! Always you make with the jests so moist, yes? As for taking care of your guar, nothing could be easier! A diet of live, whole rodents, the larger the better, will keep their eyes sparkling bright and their scales sticky! I like to toss skeevers to my little lovelies from ten paces away and watch them snap them out of the air! Remember that their lower colons are prone to parasitic infestations, but these are easily dealt with, as if you tickle a guar at the base of its tail, its sphincter will relax. As for having to trim their nails, that's just an old joke that veteran guar-herds tell to greenspines to see if they'll try it. How we laughed when young Jorrixel fell for it and was nearly disemboweled! Ha ha!
- “By the way, this reply's parchment is impregnated with a deadly variation of daril juice! I got it from a Shadowscale at the Enclave, and he told me it has NO antidote whatsoever! Ha ha!"
- “To Guarherder Esqoo with respect,
- Recently I have seen much larger number of guar abroad in Tamriel than in prior months. What health issues might a guar rider encounter in their mount that can result from these forays outside of the areas they are native to? With regards, Rohais of Auridon"
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “Indeed, Rohais, you must be careful never to let your guar snack on scathecraw, for though they love the taste, you will not enjoy the ensuing blasts of flatulence. Unless the scent of many-moons-dead carrion is to your taste, of course!"
- “Dearest Esqoo,
- I must first apologize as I normally preface my letters with a playful and affectionate address to “My Dear Pet", but feel reluctance to so now as to avoid the possibility that I may offend you. The name Esqoo suggests to me that you are either an Argonian or a Dunmer born ill-favored by his mother and I am truly sorry if either is true. If you are an Argonian know that I do not wish to make unfortunate reference to your bestial heritage or peoples' long history of toil under the yoke of the cursed elves of Morrowind.
- If you feel this precaution on my part deprives you of the warmth and joy of being referred to as mine, then I implore you to send a request for a revised copy of this letter to my estate. I would be more than happy to supply you with one along with a personal frame to ensure that it remains in pristine condition despite the likely state of your dwelling. Onward to my inquiry.
- I have noticed an increasing number of individuals within the Aldmeri Dominion have taken up the practice of guar riding. I have little personal experience with the creature as my mounts are selected from the finest stock of horses and senche tigers. I also find the lackadaisical movements of the guar ill-fitting for one such as I who was born an exemplar of the Lover's gifts. However, I find myself greatly amused by the practice of slapping the behind of the creature. Would you be so kind to elaborate on this?
- The Warmest Regards,
- Lady Turelie Sillvari, Noble Sorceress and Mistress of the Dibellan Arts"
- Esqoo of Dhalmora says, “This humble guar-herd is confused—why, noble lady, would I address a reply to your estate? Is your ladyship deceased? If so, do you conduct your correspondence by some sort of necromancy? I am very curious—very curious indeed, yes.
- “Ah, but to your question, which I must assume is a so-funny jest, like that of Dodges-Death's. Do you two know each other? But to proceed: we slap the guar's behind because behinds were made to be slapped! I believe this is something every Mistress of the Dibellan Arts knows full well, if what I've been told is true. Though it is possible that what Denskar told me of your Lady of Lechery was somewhat … exaggerated. In fact, now that I think on it, his story did resemble what the Elves down at the port call 'dirty jests.' Ha ha! This one's on me. Wait till I tell my herd about this!"
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