Pocket Guide to the Empire, Second Edition/Lynpan March

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Developer's text
Real author : [Unknown], Darya Makarava (Illustration)
Publication date : 2012

Better is a Better Word: The Lynpan March

f there is one noble thing to have come out of the true Empress' brief reign, it is surely her (somewhat indirect) displacement of the Lynpan March from the land of the Great Apes. Perhaps "noble" is the wrong word; "better" is the better word.

While falconeering in the deeps of Valenwood atop her equine brother and with a train of tree-mimes and vatgrown dwarf-sized versions of other favorite relatives behind her, the hoary monstrosity called King-Dead Wolf-Deer attacked. Perhaps "attacked" is the wrong word; "sought to rejoin them, thinking they were all a vision of his ages-ago Wild Hunt". In any case, the monster's display of brotherhood was frighteningly loud and led to some casualties, including the Court's Royal Vine-Mime, Magpie O'Middlepants, who was trampled to death by the spooked Uriel VI, an uncounted number of uncleculi, and Her Majesty's favorite falcon, Crow.

Soon, the bone-arrows of the feral greensaps pelted everyone present, completely freaked out about the return of King-Dead Wolf-Deer. However, since the Meat Mandated Bosmer really weren't all that hungry, and quite unsure that their stomachs could even house their antediluvial redcapped cousin, they used arrows tiny enough to be more annoyance than fatal, fashioned from robins. All their harrying did was cause more confusion and panic and to bring out the Great Apes, who brought their own rather questionable projectiles to the battle.

At the end, the spirit of Crow the falcon was sent up and out at the Empress' order to summon Kynareth's rains. Morihatha, at this point, was picking out robin-bones from her velvets and tossing away her Imga-leavings-laden wig, all while keeping her brother from galloping out from under her, yelling obscenities that King-Dead Wolf-Deer had not heard since Old Borgas' time. The Maiden of Rains sent a torrential downpour at the Imperial Order. The Lynpan March was washed away entirely, sliding to whereabouts unknown. Hopefully, the Elder Lord of Teeth and Twenty Antlers will trouble us no more, as there were no recorded survivors.


Except for the Empress and her brother, who arrived back to Cyrodiil through a small wind-shift magic that accompanied the rain-wroth divine, and no one said a word to her as she made her way to the Bathhouse of Belharza, her horse snorting in tow. As for Crow the falcon, his sacrifice at Lynpan March was made manifest in kothringilet metals, and his aspect watches over a row of hedge-heads of Green Emperor Road, giving much pride to those living birds that allow their regal-ghosts to parrot some manner of speech.